Don't Think

With the upcoming patrol, the return of the guys off the last float, and training, I haven't had much time for much of anything. But now that things have settled down and I have a long weekend, I've ad to time to just sit and think again. It's not pretty.

The picture off to the right of this post is a accurate feeling. I spend way too much time in my own head. I worry about too much, I care about too much, and I try to plan things out way too much. My roommate has told me that I'm too smart for my own good. I'm not sure what exactly he means, but I'm starting to believe him. Every time I go for a stroll down the avenues of my mind, I realize how much it's like a deep, dark forest. Not just a patch of trees, but thick woods. Old woods. The type of woods that the Brothers Grimm would write about. Deep and dark with an unknown evil lurking just out of range of the five senses, yet you can feel its presence.

I was shuffling some of my old files around today and found a thought-starter that I must have StumbledUpon some time ago. It's another very accurate observation.

Just Don't

I start thinking and I look back on how things were, and how they changed, and where they went wrong. That's where this little tidbit comes into play. I realize every time that everything is fucked up. I don't know how I got here, I don't know where I am going, and I don't know what to do about it.

I like to think that I know what led me to where I am, but I really don't. I just point blame at different things in my history. I can think of multiple decisions in my past that I wouldn't mind going back and changing, but none of these points in time are enough cause to blame the things I don't like about my life on.

I know where I would like my life to go, but I'm not sure I have it headed in that direction. I know what I want out of my life but I'm not sure I know how to make it happen.

And that leads to the last point. I don't know what to do about any of it. I wish I did. All I can do is wait.

Beginning a Final Journey

My fallen brother, Lance Corporal Norberto Mendez Hernandez, is about to start his final journey home. He is being escorted by our recruiter, Staff Sergeant Denver Sugano. I just watched the video of him arriving back on American soil and being taken off of the plane. It was the hardest thing to watch that I have seen in a long time.





Nothing is harder for a Marine than losing a friend and brother. Something that makes it harder is knowing what he is leaving behind. His wife, his son, his daughter. They all have to live on now, remembering how great a man their husband and father was. He is a true hero. He gave his life in service of his country, protecting his family and all he loved. I am proud to have known you, Mendez, and glad I could call you brother.


This is one of the reasons why I hate the enemy. He takes from us the greatest men and women our country has to offer. He hurts us without causing us physical harm. He cuts us deeper than the sharpest knife can. And he does it without showing himself to those he tries to kill. He hides in the houses, the hills, the crowds, and then without giving any warning, he attacks. He attacks, then hides. He is not a true warrior, he is a coward. He is a spineless opponent. He is a vile creature.

How many of our friends and loved ones has he taken from us? I personally have lost friends in this war and know many more who have been injured, physically and mentally. I have a friend recovering from a wound received in-country right now, a friend who has been blown up by IEDs more than three times, a few friends who have been so changed by combat that they no longer can function anywhere but in combat. Men who are so traumatized that they can't be in situations that we feel completely safe in everyday. I know a man who can't have a ceiling fan in his house because it reminds him of helicopters. I know a man who, after hearing a loud noise, can't help but reach for a weapon that he no longer carries and duck to find cover that he doesn't need to hide from an enemy that isn't there. So many people have had their lives changed, turned upside down, because of this war.

Anyways, I need to stop rambling about this. All it's doing is making me angry. Getting back to my original reason for this post, all I can say is welcome home, brother. Job well done and mission accomplished. Guard those streets well, Mendez. Keep them safe for your family and those of us to follow you. Semper Fidelis, Brother.

There Will Be Another Screening

"I drink your milkshake!"

When Daniel Day-Lewis's highly successful film There Will Be Blood first came out in 2007, I didn't like it. I first thought it was boring, too lacking in action, comedy, or zombies, the normal things a teenage guy looks for in a movie. But now, almost five years after it's release, I really enjoy it.

Since the first time I saw this movie, I have studied a lot more of American history, about industry and oil, the greed of the original American business tycoons and monopoly holders. Now that I know more of the background behind There Will Be Blood, this film is a lot more interesting and a lot more meaningful.

Not only is there an interesting plot line to this film, the characters are deep and complex. Daniel Plainview is a greedy narcissist. Eli Sunday is a self-righteous, self proclaimed prophet of his own creation. H.W. is just a young one trying to fill his "father's" shoes to carry on the family business. All three of these characters clash in huge ways throughout the movie. The differences finally boil down to rifts in family, friendship, and even lead to a murder.

While the movie is a good Hollywood piece, the true story is much different. If this is a movie that you are planning on watching, or have watched, I highly suggest reading the Upton Sinclair novel Oil! which the film is based off. I also suggest doing some research about Edward L. Doheny, the real Daniel Plainview.

All in all, my opinion of There Will Be Blood since the first time I saw this film has definitely made a 180 degree spin. This is now moved up towards the top of the list, along with Fight Club, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, and 13th Warrior.

Nick 13's New Album

Nick 13 of Tiger Army

So Nick 13 (the vocalist and front man of Tiger Army) just put out his debut solo album. While it's different from the Tiger Army psycho-billy, it still has a sound  reminiscent of his original band. Even though it's a country album, but it's still pretty good.

One track in particular caught my attention. The song "Carry My Body Down" snatched me up from the start. I'm not sure if it was the tune, the lyrics or both. Here are the lyrics:

"How long can this journey go on? Will I find the place I'm meant to go?

Will dreams fall down around us, just like the weathered stone?

Another year has come and gone. Will my coat hold for one year more?

I think of how far I have come, and what's been left behind.

When will they carry my body down? When will they carry my body down?

Will they take it from the river after I've jumped right in and drowned?

Will they find it on the battlefield, on the spot I stood my ground?

I walk alone, I walk apart. Someday, I'll wander no more.

I search to find what I have lost and that which I've never known.

And when I find that I have gone across that river I know,

I'll take only my memories, and things that might have been.

When will they carry my body down? When will they carry my body down?

Will they cut it from a hangman's noose after the sentence has come down?

Will anyone be there to morn a villain's passing to the ground?

When will they carry my body down? When will they carry my body down?

When will they carry my body down?"

This song is a haunting ballad that strikes home for me. I am in love with this song right now. If you haven't ever heard of Tiger Army or Nick 13, I suggest you take some time and look in to them both. I've been a huge fan of Tiger Army for years and after playing Stagecoach (California's Country Music Festival) with big country names like Keith Urban, Toby Keith, and Brooks & Dunn, Nick 13's solo career is definitely off to a good start.

My Third and finale rule..

For my last Fight Club quote, I decided to go with some thing short and simple. This one is from the Narrator. He says it after fighting Angel Face.

"Where'd you go, psycho boy?"

I like this quote because it's a common feeling for me. If I get mad or bored, I feel like going out and breaking things, beautiful things. I've always wanted to just walk around a famous museum like the Louvre or the Smithsonian with a lighter, a hammer, and other such weapons of destruction. I'd like to wonder the halls, burning Van Goghs and da Vincis, smashing pieces like the Venus de Milo and the Winged Victory. Causing utter destruction to things that people have looked at for hundreds of years as pieces of beauty. There are just times when I feel like destroying something beautiful.